Older Entries »

How Much Change is in Your Pocket?

By Jamie, on January 17th, 2012%

Coins of change

Here it is the middle of January, and I feel like I’m on fire. 

Monday was Martin Luther King Day, and then today I was attending The Presencing Forum, a gathering in the twin cities focusing on how to help make useful and lasting change in our communities by being present and open to gaining new insights and acting from there.  On the three hour drive home my mind was racing.  It is like everywhere I look lately people are talking about change and transformation.  It excited me in a way that makes me wish I was 25 again instead of 58–but then if I had to go back I would not have the understanding that has taken thirty plus years to gain.  So, I celebrate my age and go forward.

Foremost on my mind today was the idea that we don’t really ever “change.”  Rather each new experience or time of life or problem to solve is enfolded into what came before and is likewise still open to what is yet to come.  This rich life experience gives us individual texture and context and forges the gifts that will later come out of that.  Does that make sense? 

We never totally toss away one way of being and pick up another brand new one.  It’s not like a change of clothes or cars.  It occurred to me that we could think of “change” more like the ready change in our pocket—the coin of our own experience, the coin of our own gifts and what we have to offer.  Sometimes we have some to spend—and sometimes we need somebody to give us a little.  An ex-change of sorts.

The stories I heard during this Presencing gathering we so motivating.  People are working to end violence in their communities, educate parents, find new economical models, create urban vegetable gardens, and bring back dance as a community activity.  Each person there was ready and willing to spend their creative coin with others—their change.  They had passion and ideas and so much fire that it set me on fire. 

During one of the small group sessions I saw myself and others in the room like runner on a track—bottoms up in the air, toes on the mark waiting for the gun to go off—waiting for the go.  I have sensed this pent up energy in me that wants not just to leak out but to surge out.  I go to write a few ideas down for my talk in a couple of weeks and twenty or thirty pages come rolling out of my pen.  I go to learn about this new concept and then spend three hours in the car doing everything from composing music to composing new workshops. 

A few minutes ago I talked to my daughter who is going through a lot of challenges right now.  I had to smile when she said she just needed something new to focus on and so she registered for a 800 number college course on community organizing that has nothing to do with finishing her degree.  Is it just in the air or what?

I also realized that she was not asking for my advice, or approval, or wisdom, or anything—the “coin” she wanted from me was just to listen.  I gave it freely.

So, here is my first question for you.  How much change do you have in your pocket?  It doesn’t have to be a lot, but all of us have some gift or experience to offer others.  Second question–what are you doing to give it away?  And if your pockets are a bit light, what do you need from me or others?  Don’t just count your coins, spend them.  We could just begin there. 

I love hearing from so many of you so leave a comment, share with others, or subscribe with an email address below to get my weekly article.

Share on Facebook
6 comments   Creating a Life, Education, Families, Peacemaking   , , ,  

A New Years Bash to Remember

By Jamie, on January 2nd, 2012%

It started with a rockin’ dance party.

My daughter Nichol cleared the living room of all furniture and taped smooth sheets over the carpet to make dancing easier. She died her blonde hair black and put on a brilliant tie-dye tee-shirt and denim skirt. Her husband Nate cued up the music for the evening and attached speakers to the computer. We blew up balloons. It was a small party, six adults and seven children from one year old to almost fourteen.

At 9:00 the lights went down, the bubble machine started pumping bubbles, and the disco ball flashed multi-colored lights across the floor and ceiling. And then we danced. And danced. And danced. Little Sophie (1 year old) learned to twirl her long skirt as she spun circles. Gavin (almost 14) taught me the line dance steps to Cotton eye Joe. The twins, Korah and Kelsey (young, slim pre-teens) sang and danced, their arms reaching for the ceiling. Jaaron was higher than a kite (on dancing—he’s 12) and the two three-year-olds were sweating and breathless.

Mommies and Daddies danced. Grandma and Grampa danced. At one point Brian turned his three-year-old into an air guitar—Kaden loved it!

Later Kaden told me, “This is the best day of my life.” (He says that nearly every day—I’ve adopted it as my mantra for 2012.)

At 10:00 we did the New Years countdown (little ones needed their beds) and shot off confetti and screamed, “Happy New Years!”

Wow, that was so much fun. What I loved most was just the sweet, wide-open feeling of it all. No angst or stress, no dramas, no worries—just arms raised high, feet stomping, celebrating life and the good fun of being all together. The last song of the night was “I had the time of my life . . . and I owe it all to you.” We did the dirty bits version and followed it with the real version. I danced with my grandson Gavin who is now taller than I am. It was the perfect way to bring in the New Year.

New Years Lesson #1

We don’t need to take life so seriously. We need to blow out the pipes, celebrate, laugh, dance and play.

 New Years Mantra for 2012

“This is the best day of my life!”

New Years Bash–Part Two

The big kids had permission to stay up all night. (They made it until 2:00). On New Year’s Day we had a Tamale party and smooshed masarina batter into cornhusks and steamed them. During a lull Milt and I were apologizing to the twins for still not being able to tell them apart. Korah and Kelsey are identical twins. We decided to ask them to explain to us their differences. 

Korah pointed out that she wears a little ‘K’ necklace with amber beads–and that she never takes it off. We started to ask more direct questions. I asked which of them was more socially shy and which one was more out there. Korah admitted to her shyness, and Kelsey said that she was more out there. Korah is better at sticking with a task until she masters it—Kelsey likes to roam. Korah also admitted that she tends to worry more. They are both pretty good violinists. We even had them stand back to back and could easily see that Kelsey has a good two inches over her sister.  Gavin was there, too, and we asked him a lot of questions. He will be 14 this year and is now taller than I am. He wants to be a doctor.

What was most interesting was the exchange itself–asking smart children to self-evaluate.  It is so amazing to see the difference in children who have been allowed to express themselves, to enter into conversation, to be listened to carefully. I’ve been around many children who are not given this simple courtesy. 

We all want someone to listen. We don’t want to be told what we should or shouldn’t be feeling or doing. We don’t want to be lectured or advised. We don’t want to be shut down with a look or a tone of voice. We don’t want to be humiliated or told that our infant ideas are stupid. What if we could just listen to others without constantly filtering each word through our own busy brains? What if we could listen to another the way we listen to the wind in the trees? We never ask the wind to stop being the wind. Now, as I consider this, I don’t really want to ask myself not to be who I am either. I can see that the filters of my mind are always set to “how can I help?” But sometimes people don’t want my help. I could become a better listener myself. Remove the helper/teacher filters and become a better listener.

New Year’s Lesson #2

Listen like the wind.

Share on Facebook
4 comments   Creating a Life, Families   , , ,  

Being and Becoming . . .

By Jamie, on November 30th, 2011%

I have been organizing old posts and came across this one from 2008.  I like the message and add it here.

Being and Becoming–A Partnership

April 13, 2008 

We did a Family Constellation Workshop this afternoon. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it is a group process that works deeply within the connected soul of the family of origin. By using representatives for family members, we can bring into visibility the hidden ties and loyalties that run through us. For the past ten years we have been coming together to do deep healing within the family and I am always amazed at the sheer amount of love that flows there. Today nearly everyone in the group tapped into that love and it was sweet and sad and beautiful all at the same time. Within all of our hearts there is still a little girl or boy who needs the energy of mother and father—no matter our circumstances. And when we fully take that energy, we can at last become fully adult.

I love facilitating the constellation work. It is like touching the face of the creator—or having the creator touch me. I started reading a book that a friend recommended called Teacher. On the first page the author said something like when we are creative—we cannot be destructive. I feel this. To fully take our adult strength and become a creative force in the universe is what it is all about. Unfortunately, many of us linger in childhood unable to take that strength and put it to work.

It is a long road, this path to full adulthood. Today I was trying to explain to the group that we do it the same way we learned as children. We must study the people around us and “steal” from them the qualities and ways of being that we most admire. We have to model behavior in order to gain that new behavior. We have to do it.

I remember when I first started speaking to groups, I was so scared and so shy that I knew I needed a few new resources. I started to watch how other people behaved as teachers; and I would snatch a vocal quality here, a gesture there, a stronger voice or posture and then I would watch to see if it had the effect I was hoping for. Most of us don’t realize that new ways of being come in slowly—and only with great practice. Nobody “gets it” just like that.

Today I decided it is time for me to learn again how to gain even more strength in the world. Milt and I have both decided to go to the next level, together. As we do this, there are a couple of things I plan to be vigilant about. One is to take special care of the little, scared girl in me who always hates to risk new things; and the other is to look out and identify new models for me to emulate. Tonight we saw a wonderful show about a single man who introduced classical music to the poor children of Venezuela. The story was so inspiring that it brought tears to my eyes. Over 300,000 children playing instruments from the time they are two years old and up? I want to learn from that man.

Take good care and look around yourself to see what, if anything, you have to contribute to the creative pot of the world. And then do it.

I love this life. For those of you who are not familiar with Constellation Work, there are lots of resources at www.patriciajamielee.com.  We have been doing so much messing around with the websites that I’m not exactly sure what is still working—but we will continue to add materials as we go along.

Share on Facebook
Leave a comment   Creating a Life, Families
 
  Older Entries »