Last night I spent an hour or so searching the web for a language I could use to define what happens within the knowing field of the constellation. It was quite the crazy search. I looked into shamanism, watched a couple of videos of Stanley Krippner (a very wise man), and then wandered off into earth spirituality, quantum physics, and something about the ten dimensions that I couldn’t even understand beyond the forth. I was put off by the amount of crap that is out there about healing the body or spirit that sounds like nothing more than a sales pitch.
Of one thing I am clear. I couldn’t find the right words. Maybe it is because what happens within a constellation has no words to describe it. When one of my constellation groups comes together, it is as if we all walk into the room and plug into some highly advanced (better than 4G) network. I absolutely know the network exists even if I cannot find the words. Within the group I talk about the web of the family, the soul of the family, the hologram of the family but again—words fail me.
Let me describe what it feels like. It feels like someone wandered off into a misty forest carrying a ball of string, maybe yellow or pink, and the further she (or he) goes into the forest, the more dependent upon the string I am to find them. This string is linking them to earlier family members, to burdens of guilt or sadness or anger. This string is strong and cannot be broken. This string is not just one string but many, and it can get pretty tangled up, and as a result, we get pretty tangled up.
Let me see if I can use an example from a recent workshop.
A woman and a man want a child. The man cannot father a child and so they decide to choose a sperm donor and conceive a child. They are successful and a young infant boy is born. The parents feel like the child is totally “theirs,” but as the boy grows older, he feels deep within his soul that something is not right. He cannot explain it and has no idea where this feeling comes from, but something is just not right. When he is twelve, his parents explain that his father is not “really” his father. His real father is lost in the misty forest somewhere. Although the young man loves both of his parents, he can’t help but wonder and yearn to know this other man who fathered him. Not only that, but he feels like something is missing in his life, a hole he can’t seem to fill.
In the constellation, we use a representative to stand in for this father in the mist. We also point out that this man has parents, grandparents, and a whole lineage behind him that rightfully belongs to his sperm donor son.
On a rational and logical level, we would think that it is enough that this man had loving parents and a solid upbringing. On a non-logical level (a spiritual level), it makes sense that some deeper part of him is lonely for what is missing and seemingly lost to him. When we create a representational world within the constellation group, this great loneliness comes rising to the surface and the young man is taken into his father’s arms. It is an emotional and very deep release when this portal of family energy is allowed to flow into him. It fills him up in some way that just cannot be put into words. At the end of the workshop he said that he felt “whole” for the first time. Going back to my “string” theory. as a facilitator I simply followed the string that was linking his soul to his father and his father’s lineage.
I wish I could describe how it feels to be moving within what my teacher calls “the knowing field.” The place I am is so deep and so intuitive and so plugged in that I could never do this in my regular day to day self. Often I have absolutely no recall of what we even did. I am in another brain state entirely. I have tried to discover what it is that moves me to do one thing or another. The signals come from the group, the representatives standing in the center, and the field of energy itself.
I’ve come to trust that state. It is not my ego or even my desire to help that person “heal.” In that state I have no desire. It is not my logical mind telling me to follow a prescribed pattern. In that state I have no logical mind. Some movements, in fact, are totally illogical. I love when that happens. I trust that what happens has an authenticity, integrity, and a kind of sweetness that is like no other. I could maybe call it “love” for lack of a better word.
Would another example be good here? One constellation we did was with a 16 year old girl whose parents adopted her from another country when she was an infant. Oddly, in this constellation, the girl herself seemed pretty solid and good in the place she was. It was the parents whose strings were all tangled up. Birth mother longing for her daughter. Adoptive mother feeling a little guilty for taking the woman’s child. The birth father filled with guilt and shame. The adoptive father feeling apart from and a bit remote from it all. In this constellation we even put in a representative for the country of birth, and that representative so loved her little girl. Isn’t that interesting, that a place could have loyalty and energy and feeling just like a person? Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me. I feel like since I came back to my home territory, the land itself is happy to see me and be with me.
On my way home from this powerful workshop, I was reading an interesting book called Earthing by Ober, Sinatra, and Zucker that talks about the entire planet having an electrical field that connects our physical body to this larger field of the earth and beyond.
Why is it that we can trust these crazy cell phones, this internet, the fact that we turn a television on and there is picture and sound, or flip a switch and get light, but we cannot trust that there is a larger energy field that allows us to connect, communicate, recharge our batteries, and “read” the signals that it is sending us in a sophisticated, accurate and elegant way?
You know, when the Lakota people say Mitakuye Oyasin—we are all related—I understand that in such a deep way now. We are related and connected and our energetic “strings” go here and there and everywhere.
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