Tomorrow early Milt and I are off to Mexico for two weeks. This may actually be the first vacation we have ever taken that was not related to some radio project or other work that we have done. The thought is terrifying. Not Mexico–the idea of actually vacating. Milt keeps teasing me because I keep trying to sneak my work into our luggage. Should I take two computers? What about the film guides that I’m writing? What if I need to revise a novel I wrote ten years ago? I need to bring beads so I can make Bead People while sitting on a white sand beach.
I’m not good at sitting still–not good at vacating. Since I was fifteen and got my first job in a cafe, I’ve worked. Actually, with five younger brothers, I thnk I itook a job so young because it seemed easier than working at home. Besides, they actually paid me to work in the cafe.
I like to be in motion, engaged, entertained by my busy brain. If my brain is not busy, my hands and body are. It could be an issue of self-worth. Robert Fritz, the author of The Path of Least Resistance, once said in a seminar that I attended that some of us have a basic issue of worth–we feel that if we are not doing for others, we don’t deserve to be here. It is a core, core, core belief that comes from who knows where. I may have just a hint of that issue.
I have noticed that when there is a lull in activity, my brain tends to slide toward depression and feeling good for nothing. Winter months make me especially vulnerable. Getting engaged and busy again is my solution to that.
It would probably be good for me to vacate for two weeks–just not sure that I can actually do that or what it would be like. At least I do have the goal of learning and practicing some Spanish. It is also our plan to visit the Mayan Ruins and spend time in the water. Last summer I bought a prescription swim mask and it is tucked into the bottom of my suitcase. It is so great to be underwater and be able to actually see something.
We have to be on the airport van at 4:00 am so . . . I’ll let you know how my vacate goes.
Adios, mi amigos.
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