When Darkness Falls . . . pay attention

a dark sky

Yesterday was melt-down day.  I had done a workshop the day before but it was a fun, relaxed day and there should have been no reason for me to be so exhausted.  I nodded off through the day, took a nap at 7:30 pm and woke up at 8:30 am.  What I realized was that my body was sending me a message to take it easy, chunk down the size of my current project, breathe, take a bath.  Relax.

The mind can take the most perfect day and turn it into a six-month overwhelm.  More and more I realize the need to monitor the activities of my own brain.  And not just the brain—but my own body.

If body and mind are having a big discussion (argument?) about how much it is possible for me to get done—I need to be in on the conversation.  If I were a magician I could just wink or wave my hands a few times and all would be accomplished.  Life is magic—but I am no magician.

I also realized that part of my exhaustion was that most of the work on my table has to do with helping other people to realize their dreams.  A woman wants another book, the kids want a radio show, Milt wants to finish two big projects without losing his own soul.

Me?   I want a new addition to our house, a healthy beautiful garden, a new jazzy project of my own.

Me on the inside?

I want to find my way back to writing my own fiction.  Maybe that was the cause of the melt-down.  The workshop was a writing workshop.  I spent the day telling others of my love for writing, the play of words on paper, the magical realm of ideas and characters.  On the way home I fought to stay awake.  The next day I fought my exhaustion.  I think I was grieving.  Today, I realize that it is one thing to tell others how to trip the light fantastic, and another thing to deny that to your own self.

Timeline.

My solution to this kind of problem is to stretch my timeline out.  The addition to the house (or completion of the existing one) does not have to happen by July 4th.  I will have fun planting the garden—in June.  OPP (other people’s projects) will all happen in a timely way.  I don’t have to carry the burden of that.

A good friend of mine, (with a sassy sense of humor) once said in a meeting we were at that she had been “hanging and bleeding” for too long.  This idea of being a victim to our own creative energy is a silly thing.  I loved her expression and it pops into my mind when my wily mind wants to get too cranked up about stuff.

So, my goal is to stay in my moment, act in the moment, enjoy the moment.

How about you?

I also want to tell all of you who checked in to let me know that my subscriber dealy thing-a-ma-bob was finally working.  The cool part was that I figured it out alone, a techy no-mind wandering in the dark and lonely despair of cyberspace.  The creator is so good to me.  If you enjoy my weekly posts, please pass them on to others who may enjoy them.  You can subscribe by adding your email to the box below or in the upper right hand corner.


 

 

 

 

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When Darkness Falls . . . pay attention — 10 Comments

  1. My goal is to be mindful of my health and habits everyday. I share Jamie’s description of “hanging and bleeding” for too long.
    I am going to ride my bike, watch the wood duck nest that has new occupants, tend the flower gardens, and remember to laugh each day. I love having music and laughter in my life and I think it needs to be nurtured just like the early spring gardens. I am so lucky to have time for both. “Now, just do it Maggie.”

    • Mindfulness is such a good word–and such a good practice. It is both verb and noun isn’t it? Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I am so happy that all these wonderful people are checking in with me again.

  2. just paused in writing my weekly post, read yours. YEP and AMEN!
    I’m receiving and sharing the same message. Doing other people’s agendas – as intriguing as they appear – takes time away from my own fabulous one and only life. The Creator is so patient with us; what a gift.
    love you –
    phyllis

  3. Thanks Milt. I have to add that last night I was sitting by our campfire by the lake and the ducks that are nesting close by in a tree began to circle. They were obviously upset by our close proximity and we did not want to leave the fire. After about 15 minutes and 2 close fly bys the female entered the nest by coming straight in, flapping her wings and with total effort entered the small hole where she is planning to raise her new eggs. I was struck by her determination to reach her goal by overcoming her fear. It is such a joy to have nature be our teacher. We live in a wonderful place.

  4. Funny, my goal has been exactly the same thing as of late! Don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future, but stay present, where my power is. And the good news is I’m getting much better with this. Hope you are, too.

    • I’m working on staying in the present, too. It does seem easier when all the world is in bloom. My husband tends to do enough worrying for both of us, so I can let things go. Just wish it had more time for gardening and such–love that. Thanks for checking in.

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