Yesterday was melt-down day. I had done a workshop the day before but it was a fun, relaxed day and there should have been no reason for me to be so exhausted. I nodded off through the day, took a nap at 7:30 pm and woke up at 8:30 am. What I realized was that my body was sending me a message to take it easy, chunk down the size of my current project, breathe, take a bath. Relax.
The mind can take the most perfect day and turn it into a six-month overwhelm. More and more I realize the need to monitor the activities of my own brain. And not just the brain—but my own body.
If body and mind are having a big discussion (argument?) about how much it is possible for me to get done—I need to be in on the conversation. If I were a magician I could just wink or wave my hands a few times and all would be accomplished. Life is magic—but I am no magician.
I also realized that part of my exhaustion was that most of the work on my table has to do with helping other people to realize their dreams. A woman wants another book, the kids want a radio show, Milt wants to finish two big projects without losing his own soul.
Me? I want a new addition to our house, a healthy beautiful garden, a new jazzy project of my own.
Me on the inside?
I want to find my way back to writing my own fiction. Maybe that was the cause of the melt-down. The workshop was a writing workshop. I spent the day telling others of my love for writing, the play of words on paper, the magical realm of ideas and characters. On the way home I fought to stay awake. The next day I fought my exhaustion. I think I was grieving. Today, I realize that it is one thing to tell others how to trip the light fantastic, and another thing to deny that to your own self.
My solution to this kind of problem is to stretch my timeline out. The addition to the house (or completion of the existing one) does not have to happen by July 4th. I will have fun planting the garden—in June. OPP (other people’s projects) will all happen in a timely way. I don’t have to carry the burden of that.
A good friend of mine, (with a sassy sense of humor) once said in a meeting we were at that she had been “hanging and bleeding” for too long. This idea of being a victim to our own creative energy is a silly thing. I loved her expression and it pops into my mind when my wily mind wants to get too cranked up about stuff.
So, my goal is to stay in my moment, act in the moment, enjoy the moment.
How about you?
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