Being and Becoming . . .

I have been organizing old posts and came across this one from 2008.  I like the message and add it here.

Being and Becoming–A Partnership

April 13, 2008 

We did a Family Constellation Workshop this afternoon. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it is a group process that works deeply within the connected soul of the family of origin. By using representatives for family members, we can bring into visibility the hidden ties and loyalties that run through us. For the past ten years we have been coming together to do deep healing within the family and I am always amazed at the sheer amount of love that flows there. Today nearly everyone in the group tapped into that love and it was sweet and sad and beautiful all at the same time. Within all of our hearts there is still a little girl or boy who needs the energy of mother and father—no matter our circumstances. And when we fully take that energy, we can at last become fully adult.

I love facilitating the constellation work. It is like touching the face of the creator—or having the creator touch me. I started reading a book that a friend recommended called Teacher. On the first page the author said something like when we are creative—we cannot be destructive. I feel this. To fully take our adult strength and become a creative force in the universe is what it is all about. Unfortunately, many of us linger in childhood unable to take that strength and put it to work.

It is a long road, this path to full adulthood. Today I was trying to explain to the group that we do it the same way we learned as children. We must study the people around us and “steal” from them the qualities and ways of being that we most admire. We have to model behavior in order to gain that new behavior. We have to do it.

I remember when I first started speaking to groups, I was so scared and so shy that I knew I needed a few new resources. I started to watch how other people behaved as teachers; and I would snatch a vocal quality here, a gesture there, a stronger voice or posture and then I would watch to see if it had the effect I was hoping for. Most of us don’t realize that new ways of being come in slowly—and only with great practice. Nobody “gets it” just like that.

Today I decided it is time for me to learn again how to gain even more strength in the world. Milt and I have both decided to go to the next level, together. As we do this, there are a couple of things I plan to be vigilant about. One is to take special care of the little, scared girl in me who always hates to risk new things; and the other is to look out and identify new models for me to emulate. Tonight we saw a wonderful show about a single man who introduced classical music to the poor children of Venezuela. The story was so inspiring that it brought tears to my eyes. Over 300,000 children playing instruments from the time they are two years old and up? I want to learn from that man.

Take good care and look around yourself to see what, if anything, you have to contribute to the creative pot of the world. And then do it.

I love this life. For those of you who are not familiar with Constellation Work, there are lots of resources at  We have been doing so much messing around with the websites that I’m not exactly sure what is still working—but we will continue to add materials as we go along.

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Being and Becoming . . . — 2 Comments

  1. However, being happy within ourselves may be one of the most difficult challenges we will ever face. For some, this challenge may prove too difficult to handle, and as a result, they allow it to rule them. Many prefer to endure the challenges, while others love to overcome them but do not how to get out of them.

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