The Creator is so good to us . . .

How do you spell stress?  A high school graduation, two workshops, two trips, a wedding, family highs and lows, and not enough gardening. 

Today when we drove off from another family gathering, I was in tears.  I’m not sure when or if I will see my beloved brother-in-law again.  He is battling cancer, strong and determined enough to marry off his son to a beautiful woman, dance at the wedding dance, eat like a horse, and still the cancer may win. 

It is so strange to realize that I don’t really fear my own death, but can barely tolerate the thought of watching the people I love pass on one by one over the next few decades.  It is the grief that I can’t stand thinking about.  I blithely remind people in my workshops that grief—tears—are liquid love, but it feels much, much worse than that.  It doesn’t feel like love when you are in it.  It feels like pain.

Death just seems so permanent.  And how do you talk about it?  I am a logical person and understand that all of us are walking a path toward our own death, and yet . . . it is the life that matters.  And life does matter.   We need to see how precious each moment is and not waste our time in pettiness and worry or making small problems into giant problems. 

There was so much I wanted to say to my brother-in-law.  I wanted to thank him for being such a good partner to my sister all of these years, for adding two wonderful young men to our clan, for his humor and even his sarcasm, for just being here in my life.

I didn’t say anything.  I just hugged him and said good-bye as if it were just another normal family gathering, like dozens of others over the years.  I saved my tears for the privacy of my own car.  Was that the right thing to do?  Probably.  He knows that I love him.  He knows my heart.  In fact, he knows all of our hearts and that he is a part of our family.  For this occasion, the marriage of his son and new daughter-in-law, it was the celebration of life that mattered, the dancing and sharing good food and laughing and telling naughty stories about the groom that mattered.  It was just plain good fun even though a cloud hovers overhead.  For a moment, we can banish the cloud.

It is probably silly to be putting all of these things I couldn’t say in a public post on my blog, but my goal, like Rick’s, is to “deal with the real” in my blog.  So, here I am—exhausted, sad, satisfied, filled with love, filled with good food, filled with grief. 

I always remember what a Siletz Indian woman, Aggie Pilgrim, said to us when we recorded her husband in southern Oregon many years ago.  She met us at the door and kept saying again and again, “The Creator is so good to us.”

That is how I feel today.  I am so rich and the creator is so good to me.  Thank you for the many riches of my life—mainly my family.

Tomorrow I am going to begin planting my garden.  Summer has arrived.

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The Creator is so good to us . . . — 5 Comments

  1. Profound. I have felt some of what you described and sometimes it feels like if I say it, I might force that person to a place they are not yet ready to go. Or that, in the saying, it makes everything more real and more certain. And yet, living or dying, all of us are filled up when we hear about the ways in which we have touched the lives of those around us.

  2. Patty, this is a very “REAL” sentiment. I follow Ricky’s blog too and the “DEAL-ing” with this beast called cancer is inconceivable. God has given us the “FAITH, HOPE, and LOVE” that we need and we can trust in Him always. You are a sweetheart and the “Baird-Clan” is just simply the BEST. I love you all, ~Melanie

  3. Baby, That was beautiful.
    This death thing, it really is something that can focus the mind. I thought about those things too when I gave Rick a big hug. Rick’s a few months younger than me, and we shared much of the same collective culture – growing up in the 60’s and the whole Rapid City Adventure. But life is still going on. Who knows what might happen – even today. I’m going to stop now – the coffee is just about ready, and I am anxious to keep on – keeping on!


  4. Jamie,
    You honor us once again with your sage observations and insights regarding life, death, and our ultimate purpose in living, whatever that might be for each of us. I thank you for sharing such uncensored moments along your life’s journey that others might draw strength for their own ‘dance through life’. I look forward to your next bit of wisdom, reflection, humor, etc. You are a true blessing, Jamie!<3

  5. Jamie,
    I agree with so many who responded to this blog. As you share uncensored moments with us. you plant seeds in us regarding what it means to love one another and to love life itself. I am taking away Ricks words “deal with the real.” What a good goal for all of us. Thank you for your words of wisdom and realness.

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